Nobody argues about guests on day one. The argument arrives in month two, when someone's partner has quietly become a fifth flatmate and someone else's mum is on the sofa for a week — and because no rules were ever set, everyone's operating on a different definition of normal. Here are the fair defaults, agreed while it's still easy.
The Fair Defaults (Steal These)
The heads-up rule. Overnight guests get announced in the group chat before they arrive — not for permission, for courtesy. Walking into your own kitchen at 7am to a stranger in a towel is the single most avoidable flatshare shock.
The two-three-night norm. A guest for a night or two is life; a guest most nights is a resident. The common default: two or three nights a week, or any longer visit (parents, friends from home) flagged in advance with an end date. Numbers beat vibes — agree the number.
Your guest, your shadow. Guests are the host's responsibility: their washing up, their noise, their spot on the sofa. "But that was her friend's mess" should never be a sentence anyone needs.
Shared space stays shared. A guest doesn't get the living room for a private movie night or the bathroom for an hour at 8am on a workday. Hosting happens around the household's rhythm, not instead of it.
The Partner Question (The Big One)
The four-nights-a-week partner is the classic slow-boil issue: extra showers, extra heating, extra person in the kitchen — on bills they don't pay, in a home they didn't sign for. The fix is honesty at the threshold: once someone's partner is there more nights than not, the household names it. Options that work: a small voluntary contribution to bills, alternating whose place hosts, or simply the conversation itself, which usually recalibrates things. In all-inclusive setups the money edge softens — nobody's splitting a utility bill — but the space question remains, so the norms above still earn their keep. (We put this exact question in the 20 questions for a reason.)
Visiting Family, Handled Warmly
Parents visiting a new-to-London flatmate is a lovely thing — treat it as such. The etiquette: maximum notice, a clear end date, and the host takes any inconvenience onto themselves (their room becomes the guest room; they take the sofa). Flatmates who make a visiting mum feel welcome are banking goodwill they'll want back someday.
When You're the Guest
Sofa-surfing at a friend's flatshare? Greet the flatmates, keep your footprint to one bag, replace what you consume, and leave the bathroom looking untouched. Three days is the graceful maximum uninvited-by-the-household; beyond that, your friend is spending social capital they didn't budget.
Have the Conversation Early
Guest norms take ninety seconds to agree in week one and get harder every week after. Fold them into the settling-in chat — the first-week playbook shows where it fits naturally. And if you'd rather start in a flat where the house norms come pre-agreed and the bills question is already closed, that's the co-living pitch in one line — see Nook's rooms.
